Dutch’s Revenge

Dutch's Revenge

Dutch was a right peculiar sort
Though certainly a top hand
Had him a foreign speaking way
Makin' him funny t'understand

One time we boys was playing poker
Chet asks him why he don't bet
"Ain't for that got enough money hardly"
Says Dutch not breaking a sweat

Us boys would laugh sometimes
When his strange mannerism displayed
We’d jibe and poke with little mercy
It’s how we cowboys played

You may think we was bein' mean
But that simply just ain't true
Let me give you an example
Then tell me what you would do

Ya see, when he’d talk
His words were often juxtaposed
'Specially when he was excited
His syntax would decompose

He'd say partic’lar things like
Over the fence, toss that sorrel some hay
Again we’d laugh out loud at him
Asking, “What’d he just say?”

One day he'd had his bellyful
And judged he had enough reason
It was gonna be payback time
Just a'fore rainy season

Don't know how he done it
Sure took some clever sneakin’
He was mighty determined seein’
The bunkhouse floor’s known fer creakin’

We was out workin’ calves one morn
Ridin’, doctorin’ and brandin’
When ‘long comes a black thunderhead
Its contents ready to abandon

We reached behind our saddles
To get our slickers where they was tied
Comin’ down fast; had to hurry
Gettin’ drenched I just can’t abide

I threw my cover over my back
Tryin’ to get my head through a hole
Near a panic it was blocked
The rain was takin’ it’s toll

Lookin’ back, I give him credit
Our slicker gaps he’d sewn
Ol Dutch was pure dee smart
We was soaked down to the bone

Eventually we got the stitches cut
But it was really way too late
Somehow, unspoken, we all agreed
To bide our time and wait

We moved like no big deal
Just like normal we was actin’
Gently teasing him and such
His attention not attractin’

Musta’ worked to fool ol’ Dutch
That night he dropped off to sleep
We didn’t yet know how
But we was gonna hurt him deep

‘Bout then providence strolls in t’camp
Comes a country kitty uninvited
Someone got an idea and
Suddenly the boys got all excited

Monty grabbed Dutch’s hat
And drops it onto the varmint
We lit a schuck off’n that mesa
Wearin’ only our undergarment

We slept a bit uneasy
On bare ground behind a boulder
But rose just a'fore daybreak
It was gettin’ even colder

We had to sneak back and watch
Ol’ Dutch when he’d arise
Would he just laugh it off or
Come a chasin’ with blood in his eyes?

Soon he stretches outta his roll
He puts his boots on first
Then looks round to find his hat
Never expectin’ the comin’ worst

When he grabbed up his hat
Dutch began to t’dance n’hoot
Must’a smelled somethin’ fierce since
Dutch dashed clean off’n that there butte

But the thing I remember best
'Sides seein’ his hat all wet
Is hearing Dutch a screamin’
“Back for that, you I'm gonna get”!