Dutch was a right peculiar sort
Though certainly a top hand.
Had him a foreign speaking way
Makin' him funny t'understand.
One time we boys was playing poker;
Chet asks him why he don't bet.
"Ain't for that got enough money hardly",
Says Dutch not breaking a sweat.
Us boys would laugh sometimes
When his strange mannerism displayed.
We’d jibe and poke with little mercy
It’s how we cowboys played.
You may think we was bein' mean
But that simply just ain't true.
Let me give you an example
Then tell me what you would do.
Ya see, when he’d talk,
His words were often juxtaposed.
'Specially when he was excited,
His syntax would decompose.
He'd say partic’lar things like
Over the fence, toss that sorrel some hay.
Again we’d laugh out loud at him
Asking, “What’d he just say?”
One day he'd had his bellyful
And judged he had enough reason.
It was gonna be payback time,
Just a'fore rainy season.
Don't know how he done it.
Sure took some clever sneakin’.
He was mighty determined seein’
The bunkhouse floor’s known fer creakin’.
We was out workin’ calves one morn
Ridin’, doctorin’ and brandin’.
When ‘long comes a black thunderhead
Its contents ready to abandon.
We reached behind our saddles
To get our slickers where they was tied.
Comin’ down fast; had to hurry
Gettin’ drenched I just can’t abide.
I threw my cover over my back
Tryin’ to get arms through a hole.
Near a panic I was blocked.
The rain was takin’ it’s toll.
Lookin’ back, I give him credit
Our slicker sleeves he’d sewn.
Ol Dutch was pure dee smart.
We was soaked down to the bone.
Eventually we got the stitches cut
But it was really way too late.
Somehow, unspoken, we all agreed
To bide our time and wait.
We moved like no big deal.
Just like normal we was actin’.
Gently teasing him and such.
His attention not attractin’.
Musta’ worked to fool ol’ Dutch.
That night he dropped off to sleep.
We didn’t yet know how
But we was gonna hurt him deep.
‘Bout then providence strolls in t’camp,
Comes a country kitty uninvited.
Someone got an idea and
Suddenly the boys got all excited.
Too-Tall grabbed Dutch’s hat
And drops it onto the varmint.
We lit a schuck off’n that mesa
Wearin’ only our undergarment.
We slept a bit uneasy
On bare ground behind a boulder.
But rose just a'fore daybreak.
It was gettin’ even colder.
We had to sneak back and watch
Ol’ Dutch when he’d arise.
Would he just laugh it off or
Come a chasin’ with blood in his eyes?
Soon he stretches outta his roll.
He puts his boots on first.
Then looks round to find his hat
Never expectin’ the comin’ worst.
When he grabbed up his hat
Dutch began to t’dance n’hoot
Must’a smelled somethin’ fierce since
Dutch dashed clean off’n that there butte.
But the thing I remember best
'Sides seein’ his hat all wet
Is hearing Dutch a screamin’
“Back for that, you I'm gonna get”!
By, Rik Goodell